we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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