this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
