I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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