that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize