I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
