Don't you send me to vm
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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