Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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