I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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