If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
