So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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