i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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