So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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