Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
