That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
