I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
