I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
