let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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