you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My penis needs a shock collar
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
