chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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