i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
