throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
