She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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