Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
