I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
