I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize