So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
