She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were trust falling into bushes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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