One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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