My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
