there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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