fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
