ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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