if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
