If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize