you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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