ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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