My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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