This girl is more easily done than said...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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