marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
