her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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