took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
