when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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