Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
