Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
