2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He felt like a one man threesome
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
