just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
