did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
