Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
