My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
