Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
