Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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