It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
