You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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