Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
