I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
