I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
