sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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