they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
