My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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