On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
