Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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