3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
