This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
