hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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