You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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