Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
