ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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