how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
