Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
