I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
