no, he came in my armpit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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