what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
