I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
