Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
