I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
