i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
