I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
