FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
