I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
