We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
