i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
