im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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