So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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