im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nutella sex= disaster
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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