I puked a lego.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
