i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I still have a little drunk in my system
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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