By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
