It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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