WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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