Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
